Blessed are the departed...

Mar 01 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

This was my crazy Twitter rant from the other day. Thought it was funny enough to turn into a post...

Blessed are the departed,
for they are no longer graduate students.
Dare not let thy heart be consumed with darkness,
for on the seventh day, they shall arise agin as postdocs.
They shall endure much suffering and persecution.
The faculty search committee shall judge both the not so quick and the brain dead.
But the faithful shall be rewarded with tenure track,
and seated at the right hand of the department chair.
They shall liveth and reigneth as the PI.

Until then thou art commanded to honor thy PI,
but love thy lab manager.

The word of Collins.
Thanks be to Varmus.

The 10 Commandments
-Thou shalt not mansplain
-Thou shalt not fake data, least thee be reported on writedit's blog.
-Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ESI status.
-Thou shalt not molest the eyes of the audience with the most vengeful powerpoint color scheme.
-Thou shalt not use up the buffer without reordering.
-Thou shalt not pirate software, lest thy need it for a grant proposal due tomorrow. But thou should feel bad if thy do.
-Thou shalt not be the 3rd reviewer.
-Thou shalt not covet false idols such as #K3rn or #N00n4n.
-Thou shalt not apply for an R21 when thou should be applying for an R01 instead.
-Thou shalt not forget to troll Scientopia.

8 responses so far

  • Pharm Sci Grad says:

    LOVE. THIS. 🙂

  • Monex says:

    ...Genesis 2 7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living soul.....Genesis 3 17 And unto Adam he said Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife and hast eaten of the tree of which I commanded thee saying Thou shalt not eat of it cursed is the ground for thy sake in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life .18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee and thou shalt eat the herb of the field .19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread till thou return unto the ground for out of it wast thou taken for dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou return.....Genesis 18 27 And Abraham answered and said Behold now I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord which am but dust and ashes .28 Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said If I find there forty and five I will not destroy it.....Job 4 18 Behold he put no trust in his servants and his angels he charged with folly .19 How much less in them that dwell in houses of clay whose foundation is in the dust which are crushed before the moth?....Job 10 8 Thine hands have made me and fashioned me together round about yet thou dost destroy me..9 Remember I beseech thee that thou hast made me as the clay and wilt thou bring me into dust again?....Job 34 14 If he set his heart upon man if he gather unto himself his spirit and his breath .15 All flesh shall perish together and man shall turn again unto dust.....Psalms 30 9 What profit is there in my blood when I go down to the pit? shall it declare thy truth?....Psalms 103 13 Like as a father pitieth his children so the LORD pitieth them that fear him..14 For he knoweth our frame he remembereth that we are dust.....Psalms 104 29 Thou hidest thy face they are troubled thou takest away their breath they die and return to their dust.....Ecclesiastes 3 19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts even one thing befalleth them as the one dieth so dieth the other yea they have all one breath so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast for all is vanity..20 All go unto one place all are of the dust and all turn to dust again.....Ecclesiastes 12 1 Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth while the evil days come not nor the years draw nigh when thou shalt say I have no pleasure in them .2 While the sun or the light or the moon or the stars be not darkened nor the clouds return after the rain .3 In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble and the strong men shall bow themselves and the grinders cease because they are few and those that look out of the windows be darkened .4 And the doors shall be shut in the streets when the sound of the grinding is low and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low .5 Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high and fears shall be in the way and the almond tree shall flourish and the grasshopper shall be a burden and desire shall fail because man goeth to his long home and the mourners go about the streets .6 Or ever the silver cord be loosed or the golden bowl be broken or the pitcher be broken at the fountain or the wheel broken at the cistern..7 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.....

  • emily says:

    Lots of fun!. Thanks. It's great

  • MitoScientist says:

    Thou shalt not use comic sans!

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