If I won the lottery...

Mar 30 2012 Published by under Evil

So I've been watching the news about the whole lottery fever that is sweeping the nation and I may actually buy a ticket, but just for a goof.  But if I win, that would be scary as shit, because look at all those folks that have won the big jackpot.  Most of their lives have been royally screwed up from having all that money, the succumb to additions or gluttony, friends and family members come out of the woodwork with "investment opportunities," etc.  Not me man, I've got a plan to use that money.  Its not going to charity or relatives or any of that crap, I'm going to stimulate our faltering economy with shovel or dynamite ready jobs.  And here is how I'm going to do it.

So as the Earth ages and papers and manuscripts become unreadable due to age or a shift in language where we no longer speak English, but rather the new universal linguistic standard, Snooki.  Steel buildings will eventually decay and crumble, tombstones will weather away, but my legacy will stand forever.  I want to buy up a mountain range and create massive rock carvings of myself doing just ridiculous shit, so that when a restarted society or aliens gazes upon them, they will know that I was the shit.  And what competition will I have, the Great Wall, the 4 Presidents, and Crazy Horse.

Here were some carvings I was thinking of:
-Me holding a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label (maybe I can get some sponsorship money for this one)
-Me riding a bear riding an elephant (to show that I have over the animal kingdom)
-Me standing on a burning Viking ship, wrestling a pack of dwarfs
-Me and Andre 3000 of Outkast (the only celebrity that I like and actually freaked the fuck out when I met him once)

This ambitious project will employ thousands and could potentially push our economy out of this recession and further us into prosperity and lets face it, I'd be a legend.

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