I know with the whole government shutdown and the tight paylines many labs are strapped for cash right now. So I'm announcing a new funding mechanism R01for$1, whereby you tell me what you are studying in one word, and if I like it I send you a dollar. Note that bacon will always elicit a favorable and profitable response. Proposals will be accepted on the standard NIH format or scrawled on to Taco Bell wrapper is also fine with me. There is no grant cycles, just forward me your proposals (read wrappers).
The center for scientific review is composed of myself, my skeevy 53 year old neighbor Dave who has an interlock device on his Ford Taurus, and Earl, my other neighbor who loves pot and the Doobie Brothers (who coincidentally none of the member are brothers). Earl isn't always available because sometimes he is tripping on mushrooms, but I should be able to find someone else.
I'll be looking forward to your proposals.